I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
