It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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