how can u be prego again
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
