I'm gonna have a badass scar
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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