Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
