just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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