Got a toothbrush?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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