I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
