Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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