I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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