Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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