butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this hospital has no fireball
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
