Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize