The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
