You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
