I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
