yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize