It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
