I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
