dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need moral support for this bender
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
