I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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