My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
