I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
