I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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