I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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