Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
