the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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