just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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