walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
