hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
