just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
