He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
