so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have already put on my inside pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
