Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
