Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
