so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
