Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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