That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
