But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
