She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
