I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
