Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
