I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
