and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
