ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
