A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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