Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
