He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
