4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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