i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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