I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
