I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
