Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
