oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Couch. On fire.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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