paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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