We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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