Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
