I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
