you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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