Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize