Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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