Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
