Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize