What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
