Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
