Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
