if you like me you must not know who I am
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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