Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
