Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
